Illustration by Mahgul Farooqui

How to Avoid Someone on Campus 101

A step-by-step guide to avoid people you don't want to see in our small campus.

With a campus that takes less than ten minutes to traverse, a student body of about a thouasnd and several hundred faculty and staff members, it is no secret that NYU Abu Dhabi is a small space with a rather small community. It is a place where friendships and relationships are forged but also broken. Once a relationship shatters, you have to come to terms with the fact that whether or not you’ve blocked this person on social media, you will still be seeing them in real life for the rest of your or their experience at NYUAD.
Whether it’s an ex who broke up with you over that last piece of KFC, your ex’s new girlfriend who apparently doesn’t eat KFC because she’s vegan, that freshman in your group project who’s been doing all the work because you’ve been “busy” or the professor whose assignment was due two weeks ago, here is a 101 on how to avoid people on-campus.
Avoid public spaces and activities as much as possible.
Why go to the library when you can study in your room? Why go to the dining hall when you can pre-order your meals the night before? Your life could be limited to the routes from your room to your class locations. Do not take any unnecessary trips. If you ever need anything from the Convenience Store, pay somebody in Campus dirhams to go make your purchases for you.
Withdraw from any shared classes.
If you have a class with the person you are trying to avoid, withdraw and take the class the following year. If it is a major requirement that is time sensitive, consider switching your major. It is never too late to do Philosophy.
Find out their class schedule, the Student Interest Groups they’re in, the rooms their friends live in.
One of the best ways to avoid someone is to know where they will be at all times. Stalk their Google Calendar for any potential information about their locations, scour Facebook groups for any mentions of the SIGs they are part of and find out where their friends live so you make sure to avoid their floors.
Camp out in the West Dining Hall.
If the person you are trying to avoid is an upperclassman, the chances of seeing them on the west side of campus are slim to none. D1 is your best bet to avoid any unnecessary interactions with them.
If you do see them, pretend to be involved or busy with something else:
Bend down to tie your shoelaces. If your shoes don’t have any, bend down anyway as a stretching exercise because exercising is good for you. If you are noticed while doing this, simply roll forward into one of the bushes on the highline or the pools on the ground floor. If this doesn’t work, you can pretend you forgot something and rush back in the opposite direction. While running, pretend to accidentally drop all of your belongings and spend the next minute gathering them. Unfortunately, it’s not guaranteed that the person you try to ignore won’t stop to help you.
Add several disguises to your wardrobe.
Do you really have to avoid somebody if they can’t even recognize you? Consider camouflaging as the campus cat. This will mostly involve white and orange bodypaint, crawling across campus and begging for food. It could also double as a great Halloween costume. Alternatively, wear all orange to blend in with the Baraha walls. Just in case you ever decide to play a game of pool, invest in a completely orange outfit that will render you invisible. In case you have to be on the highline after 5 p.m., pose as a dining hall delivery man. Blend in with staff members by adopting the ADNH outfit and carrying your belongings in a pizza delivery bag.
Study away until graduation.
If all else fails, beg Global Education to let you study away for the rest of your four years. This has yet to work for anyone, but there is no harm in trying.
Paula Dozsa is a Satire Columnist. Email her at feedback@thegazelle.org.
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