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Illustration by Neyva Hernandez

A Visitor’s Perspective On Love Life at NYUAD

The vicious cycle of relationships at NYUAD as seen from the outside.

Apr 7, 2018

When I first set foot on campus, I thought I was going to spend my semester with a girl I had met while she was studying abroad in New York. By the first day of classes, I realized she had different ideas. The rest of this semester has been a series of failed dates and unfortunate decisions. I have been here for nine weeks, and as rocky as it has been so far, I have gained invaluable insight into the unusual nature of relationships at NYU Abu Dhabi. Please note, as I begin, that it is not my intention to paint students here with a broad brush.
So Dense yet so Sparse
NYUAD is a peculiar place. Although it is tiny and everyone knows each other, it can often feel like a ghost town. While a ghost town might seem like a great place for copious amounts of me time, the reality is that it creates a situation in which students feel the need to be in some sort of relationship or begin hooking up. The loneliness can start to eat away at you and in turn create a need for external validation. Once in a relationship, the utopian nature of this campus allows you to go from zero to 100 real quick. Running into each other at every meal and living a maximum of 500 meters away from each other does not leave much room to take things slowly. After two weeks of dating, you and your partner are essentially a married couple.
Fear of Commitment
There seems to be a general trend of avoiding commitment on this campus. I have heard more stories about cheating in my nine weeks on this campus than I have heard in my two and a half years in college. Certain characteristics specific to this campus severely accentuate this problem. In New York, the city is full of possibilities, but you typically have to make an effort to go out and meet people. Ed Sheeran prefers bars, I am more partial to clubbing, but regardless of your preferences the New York environment requires more effort. On Saadiyat, students live in a bubble, where they have daily opportunities to impress and flirt. This means it is nearly impossible to avoid a crush or an ex. Alternately, I once saw a former Miss America contestant on campus in New York, and we never crossed paths again. In that sense, there are more fish in the sea in New York, but there are more accessible partners here. Ultimately, there are only 800 kids on this campus, and if something goes wayward in your personal life, word travels fast.
Taking Back Your Space
In Abu Dhabi, you simply cannot find anonymity in the same way that you can in New York. I have found that people here tend to take their space back over Facebook by utilizing the block function. I have never been blocked on Facebook until I made it here. Apparently, I am a very blockable guy… who knew? After a breakup, there is usually a virtual screaming match over Facebook messenger, followed by a block. This virtual showdown is a big no-no in New York, yet something required at NYUAD if you desire some post breakup breathing room. The cramped space on campus, combined with the fact that it is nearly impossible to avoid someone, makes students more likely to resort to the distance provided by virtual communication.
Nuclear Radiation and a Bomb Shelter
Couples at NYUAD tend to go through a cyclical pattern. They inevitably run into each other on campus multiple times in one day and, since the ghost town effect has them feeling lonely, they unblock one another on Facebook under the guise of being civil. Within a couple of days, they end up getting together. They hate that the other person hurt them in the past, and they hate that they are so attached to them, yet they cave in. In such a small place, it can be difficult to take space from a former partner, which tends to lead to a return to what is comfortable, even if it is not right. Ultimately, the pair end up getting back together, and go through these phases indefinitely until one of them graduates. And this leads to…
Depression and Lack of Confidence
Rebounds with an ex are always a messy gray area. A miscommunication is bound to happen and finally lead to another hard break. A second breakup always hurts worse than the first one, and makes you feel like your dependency on your former significant other has strengthened while their attraction for you has waned. Here, you are probably in the library attempting to do your readings, but every fourth of a page you begin thinking about the good days. And you miss that. That feeling of longing for something you no longer have is debilitating, and not to mention quite unproductive. You would’ve gotten so much more done without the girl trouble, trust me.
Lessons Learned
The main takeaway from this semester is this: when someone breaches your trust, respect your own boundaries and end it. It hurts, but it is necessary. Once you recognize it is over, find something you truly enjoy to help you move forward. Is your dream girl a philosophy whiz? Pick up some Socrates. Is your dream man a chiseled hunk? Head to the gym. Your life is a blank canvas and you are Picasso — do not cry over a mistake, fix it. Do not let a tough past affect your present and ruin your future. There is no greater satisfaction than knowing you are on the right track to being the best person you can be intellectually, socially and professionally. No amount of time with anybody will overtake that feeling. Unless her name is Mila Kunis. In that case, always pick Mila Kunis.
Omar Naguib is a contributing writer. Email him at feedback@thegazelle.org.
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