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Funny Story: Offbeat News from Around the Globe

A selection of the most amusing headlines of late, including a gun-toting chipmunk and two flat earthers who set sail for the edge of the world.

On Sept. 19, a person donning a chipmunk outfit robbed a pharmacy in Louisiana, United States, at gunpoint. The suspect coerced an employee into filling a bag with narcotic medication. According to the local sheriff, the suspect wasn’t “all bad” as they returned the employee’s SIM card after taking her cell phone and being told it contained photos of her grandchildren.
The Irish Supreme Court recently ruled that the bread Subway uses to make its sandwiches cannot legally be considered bread. The verdict comes after a tax case as a Subway franchise asserted that it should be exempt from paying value-added tax since it sells “staple foods.” The court, however, argued that the bread it uses cannot be considered a “staple” as its sugar content comprises 10 percent of its total weight. Legally, the weight of certain ingredients shouldn’t exceed two percent of the weight of flour in what is considered bread.
In August, two flat Earthers left Sicily for Lampedusa — which they believed to be an edge of the Earth — by boat. Ironically, they navigated using a compass, the principles behind which assume a spherical earth. The pair did not reach their intended destination and instead arrived in Ustica, an island located in the opposite direction. Having violated Covid-19 restrictions, they were required to quarantine on their boat after being escorted back to Sicily.
An Indian woman went to family court to file a complaint against her father after he allegedly cheated during a game of Ludo. She explained that she felt betrayed by her father’s actions and believed he should’ve let her win so she could be happy. The woman subsequently underwent counselling and, according to her counsellor, “now feels positive.”
Following findings suggesting that life could exist on Venus, Dmitry Rogozin, the head of Russia’s Roscosmos space agency, stated that Russia would send its own mission to Venus, on top of a joint mission with the United States. He further commented that the country shouldn’t fall behind as “Venus is a Russian planet” owing to the fact that the Soviet Union, its predecessor, was the first and only country to land space probes on it.
Naeema Mohammed Sageer is Deputy News Editor. Email her at feedback@thegazelle.org,
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