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Graphic by Lucas Olscamp/The Gazelle

Advice: Call Your Mother

Whether it's trouble with a long distance relationship, choosing your major or feeling like NYUAD is not the right place for you, A Word of Advice is ...

Oct 17, 2015

Graphic by Lucas Olscamp/The Gazelle
Whether it's trouble with a long distance relationship, choosing your major or feeling like NYUAD is not the right place for you, A Word of Advice is here to listen. Your calls for advice will be answered by a peer, with help from the Health and Wellness Center and your RAs, no matter if you are on Saadiyat campus, studying abroad or at home. Some responses will be published in a column in The Gazelle. All submissions will remain completely anonymous. Remember, advice is just an opinion and if you need a health care professional, please visit the Health and Wellness Center.

Dear Johanna, I think that my family has a really hard time with me being here at NYUAD. I feel guilty for making them go through this.

Unless your family lives in the Gulf region, NYUAD is about as far as you can get. Having distance from your family can be difficult for parents, especially if you are an only or the youngest child. It can be even harder if you come from a culture, whether nationally or just in your family, where children generally stay close to home or continue living there while they go to a college nearby. Many of my high school friends live at home with their parents or return every weekend, because they chose a college with proximity in mind.
Perhaps what is bothering your parents is the fact that, should they want to, they won't ever be able to get to you quickly enough. If I had gone to a college near home like my family expected me to, my parents would have been able to drive there if anything serious ever happened. Had I been hit by a car, or needed to be hospitalized, it would have taken only a few hours in the car to be by my side.
If the same emergency should happen in Abu Dhabi and my family was able to afford coming out at that point in time, it would take them at least a day until they arrived. In emergencies, one day can make all the difference.
That fear will probably never go away. Nor will you be able to make the distance feel smaller. The best thing to do in this case is to be good about staying in touch. Your family will worry about you less if they know how you are doing, both the good and the bad. What I'm saying is, call your mother. Try and talk to your family about once a week. Show them how you are doing, let them know that you still love them and miss them, but that you are also fully capable of taking care of yourself.
Another issue might be prejudice. As much as I hate to say it, there are a lot of people with stereotypes about the Middle East and its safety. We all know that Abu Dhabi is very safe. Of course things happen, but the chance that they happen to one of us is just as low or lower than if we went to NYU New York. I have been asked many times by friends, family members and neighbors if I will be safe in Abu Dhabi. These remarks are generally from smart, progressive and sensitive people.
Your parents may be nervous because of these misconceptions about Abu Dhabi. Unfortunately, we very rarely hear positive coverage of the Middle East in international media. That makes it even more important to familiarize your parents with what your experience of Abu Dhabi is. Send them photos. Talk to them regularly. Let them know what you are up to. If it is financially feasible for your family, have them come for a visit. The best way to get rid of their fear is to let them experience what it is like to be in Abu Dhabi.
In the end, being at NYUAD is a huge opportunity. This is a fantastic school with amazing people from all over the world and an absolutely unique education. I have taken and audited quite a few classes at two of the other top universities in the United States, and the level of attention and rigor that we get at NYUAD is unparalleled. We all know there are problems with our university (#budgetcuts, the security report, stupid arguments about vegetarianism), but in general, we are pretty darn lucky.
Most parents want what is best for their kid, whatever it is that they perceive that to be. So show your parents how this experience is the best thing for you right now, and include them in it as best you can. It might not solve their worries, but it will make living with this new reality easier.
Just some thoughts,
Johanna
 
Graphic by Lucas Olscamp/The Gazelle
Graphic by Lucas Olscamp/The Gazelle

To submit questions for Johanna to answer, visit bit.do/awordofadvice.
 
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